I might say something emo here but forgive me I need to let it out...

I've received my result today, guess what? IT SUCKED TO THE CORE!!

I've failed two subjects, the rest are all borderline passes ranging from 50 to 60 marks out of 100. If that alone doesn't screw my mood here's something else, I've let almost many people I knew down!

Upon receiving my first paper, Chinese language, my face darkened. I can even imagine the face my Chinese tutor is gonna give me upon knowing about my result, I scored a 53/140. I focused so much on composition, practicing, trying, I ended up getting 33/70 for my paper, it was close! Then the second part of the paper came and it dealt a big blow on me. Why? That's because I scored even worse, 19/70, it SUCKS!

Then social studies came, it lighten my mood a bit, 30/50, not bad, that's like 60% out of 100%, could have done better.

English came, I failed my paper 2, even I cannot believe it, I loved English language and I always like to converse in that language, using vocabularies that I learn t in daily conversation, and yet, I failed! Then a good news came which lighten my sour mood, my composition saved my sorry butt. so overall I got 54% for English, at least I've passed.

Then maths came, I scored 45% total, at this point, I nearly wanted to cry, I reflected and kept thinking, what have I done wrong, I can't find any answers..

Then finally geography came, I got my both of my humanities paper already! I combined both and guess what? CRAP RESULT AGAIN! 56% seriously.

I haven't know my combined science and DNT mark yet, I am definitely upset, angry and demoralized by this result I am getting.

Here's the list of person I think I've let down:
-My Mum
-My Dad
-My Brother
-My Aunt
-My Tutor
-My primary school best friend James and Derrick
-My cellgroup friends
-My teachers who have taught me
-Probably God
-The person I loved the most [I am not telling you who, a handful of people knew, I don't think she could remember]
-My secondary school friend, Wee Hong and Zeng Wei

I don't think I can do anything about this anymore, I am pinning all hope on God and leaving it up to him. I don't why when I did the same for this Chinese exam and yet I didn't get the result I want, but I am pinning all up on Him again.

To everyone I have disappointed, I am so terribly sorry, I knew I shouldn't be getting this kind of result. I've promised and assured everyone I am working on it and sometimes I've been lying just to satisfy my own desire (playing games in this case). I've failed to get what is expected of me and even deteriorated rapidly. I seriously don't know why. Is because I haven't been putting enough effort? Is it because I haven't been pinning enough faith on God? I really can't find any answers.

I've got 6 subjects currently and I CAN'T AFFORD TO SCREW UP ON ANY ONE OF THEM. If not I'd blast my chance of going to JC with my best friend. I don't want any shit to happen anymore. Well no point sulking right? 13 days left to actual Chinese O level, I should stand up and walk if I fall and not sit down and continue wailing and crying, letting everyone see my failure right? I think this time, I will prove all of you wrong once again.